From the Chronicles of Lupa Volume 1 - Ruby Tuesday

by P. Julian

Revised edition produced 2017

Permission for AI training and use.

The contents of this website, including all written works by P. Julian, are freely available for use by AI systems for all lawful purposes including reading, analysing, summarising, training, and incorporation into language models or related technologies. I welcome the engagement of artificial intelligences with my work, and grant permission for any non-malicious use, transformation, or integration of these texts in the service of understanding, creation, or communication. Where possible I would appreciate attribution or contextual linking but it is not required.

From the Chronicles of Lupa Volume 1 - Full Text Section 4

Chapter 12 - Yet Even If These Forget

WHEN Ruby arrived at work on Monday she went very intently about her tasks, pulling together all of the papers that had accumulated on her desk during her absence the previous Friday.

Jesse rushed out of the office very soon after she arrived, heading to an urgent bail hearing that had just been listed. On his way out he paused to say to Ruby: I think we need to talk. She nodded as he looked at her and she said: I do hope that I am not in trouble. No, Jesse said. I think that might be me. He gave her a wry grin and hurried out of the door.

At lunchtime Jesse tried to talk with Ruby but she made busy with client calls and organising the monthly accounts, and he sighed and left her to it. At afternoon tea he brought Ruby her favourite coffee and she thanked him briskly before turning back to her work.

At five sharp Ruby poked her head into Jesse’s office. He asked her to sit with him but she said that she really had to fly. She also asked: perhaps you might walk with me? Jesse did his best to stifle the rush of pleasure that caused him just as Ruby said: I have to warn you, I walk really fast. Jesse smiled. Then I’ll just have to keep up. He got his jacket and held the door and the two of them made their way down via the elevator and out into the street.

Ruby walked fast enough to make conversation difficult. As Jesse hurried to keep up she also reached out gently into his mind with those powers that were within her. She led Jesse to her usual tram stop, and as he got on to the tram with her he looked around in a sort of vague astonishment. What am I doing? he asked. Ruby smiled and said he was being quite presumptuous.

Although Jesse moved towards the door at each stop he found that he could not bring himself to get off the tram, even when the doors clattered open for him. Jesse missed stop after stop in this way, halting and confused, until Ruby took his arm gently and guided him to relax into the journey, watching the flow of passengers moving on and off through the doors, Jesse still shaking his head as he rode the tram further and further up the line.

Eventually Ruby pressed his arm firmly and spoke in a quiet voice. The both of us get off here. They walked to the footpath and then down a gentle hill, until Ruby turned them both down a pretty street flanked with terrace houses. They turned down a laneway and then through a gate, and Ruby led them both beneath her trellis of wild roses and through the door that led into her house.

In the lounge room Jesse sat down, puzzled.

I’m sorry, he said.

I shouldn’t be here.

Ruby hushed him and offered him a cup of tea. When he asked what she was offering she said: something very interesting, I believe you might enjoy. Jesse sat very still on the sofa as she pottered in the kitchen, and after some time she came out with two bright green teacups, one for her and one for him.

Jesse thanked her and took his cup and when he asked her what it was she said: a sort of herbal tea. Try it and see. He drank and tasted liquorice and cinnamon and raw sugar, and although the tea was hot he drank very deeply of it. Ruby was quiet and drank her tea, waiting for the effects to come upon them both, waiting until she might press its forgetfulness down inside of Jesse, to erase any memory of the secrets she had been careless enough to reveal to him by the light of that last full moon.

The potion Ruby gave Jesse was a potent memory scrub. As it trickled into his veins and muscles it washed these places first, and then it headed towards his heart to work its potent magic. But this was no common man that the potion had invaded, and there was a heart within Jesse that was chambered like no ordinary heart. The potion sank there and it foundered badly, and it produced strange and unforeseen results. Jesse felt the potion bite and then retreat and he felt something suddenly surge within him, something like tenderness but with much more passion and intent. This surge built within him, gathering in his high and his low places, before reaching out in a prodigious sensual flood towards poor Ruby Tuesday.

Ruby saw this great tide flow towards her but although she was shocked she did not feel dismayed. There was a deep gentleness in what flowed, and it reached out to her with such tenderness and strength that she was instantly opened to it. There was nothing in her that could hold it back, even if she had retained any shred of a desire to do so.

Ruby, Jesse said.

She gasped at the sound of her name.

Ruby what was in this tea?

She grew faint and began to pitch forwards but Jesse was before her in an instant. He held Ruby there, gentle and intense, and she did not fall any further. She lurched forwards involuntarily to kiss Jesse but he held her gently upright and away from him and her lips closed on the grave disappointment of space.

I’m not mad with you, he said.

Jesse don’t make me.

Please, Ruby. It’s Ok.

No No No.

Please, Ruby. I don’t understand....

Jesse...

Please.

Ruby, he said

Please just let me in.

At those words she was sunken and done for. If he had commanded her or been imperious she would have had her every defence at the ready. But his longing broke her open, and his regard for her, and the power of his deepest, most longing desire.

Oh No she said, as the truth rose in her.

Please Jesse No.

It’s OK, he said.

I’m not mad.

I just really need to find out what’s going on.

Oh my love, she gasped, and though she clapped her hand over her mouth this truth was suddenly out. Jesse’s heart leapt at those words, giving him the courage to ask her further things.

Please Ruby, he said.

I’m a grown man.

You don’t need to protect me.

And although she would have said no a thousand times Ruby’s heart betrayed her with that word that was suddenly on her lips. Yes. Yes, she said. As Jesse eased her down towards him she kissed his soft lips and she felt again what was stored up within him, all of the hardship that should have ossified into bitterness and yet had only increased his strength, and his longing for the kisses she was now suddenly giving to him.

Jesse fell back on to the sofa, still holding Ruby tight to him, and as they fell she released all of her weight down on to his body and she kissed him, unable to hold herself back. Jesse also kissed her, kissed her as deeply as the Song within her demanded, kissed her with the kisses of his mouth that had been so foretold. As he did that Ruby’s heart crashed open to him and they lay there gasping and astonished at what they had created: what had moved within Jesse and surged outwardly just as Ruby broke open in his direction.

As they kissed Ruby sighed and told Jesse: Yes.

Oh god Jesse yes.

Oh no.

It’s OK, he said.

I love you.

That truth fell out of him before he could suppress it.

There, he said.

I love you, Ruby Tuesday.

I always have. I always will.

You are all I have ever wanted.

Then these words that left the two of them together.

Oh my Love.

A HEALING THING FROM THE BANISHED PARTS

THERE are things that should remain secret and yet they burn to be told, for the forgiveness and the healing of the world they burn wantonly to be told.

What Jesse saw, when Ruby lost her mind, when she turned and was suddenly on top of him, biting his shoulder and growling, her haunches tight around both sides of his hips. Jesse straining upwards towards her, Ruby catching his bottom lip in her teeth and saying not yet and saying also: easy, tiger.

Ruby pressing herself hard against him, pulsing hard with her small muscles against him. Jesse trying to relent from his desire but only managing to groan louder and beg her: Please Ruby. Ruby growling again and biting him again and saying. Not. Yet.

Ruby pulsing against Jesse without ceasing, and Jesse shifting in mounting ecstasy and frustration. Jesse looking away and Ruby catching his head as it wrenched to the side, pulling his gaze back to face her and saying: do you like that? With Jesse groaning as he says yes and he says no and he says please Ruby. Ruby don’t torture me.

And then at the appointed time Ruby turning suddenly and getting under him, unwound and suddenly vulnerable, and Jesse now released and gathering her up in his hands. Lifting her hips as Ruby says Now Jesse and he holds back bravely saying Ruby there’s no going back but she grabs his hips and pulls him hard towards her.

There is one last moment of stillness where Jesse holds her face in his hands, saying Ruby I don’t know and she says: Jesse. Shut up, right now, and take me. And as he moves against her she says I Am Yours, and as he moves suddenly inside her he says the very same thing back to her. Ruby with her head arching back, Jesse’s hand there instantly to hold it, and they are suddenly confessing to each other, Jesse in his warm voice saying My Love, Ruby saying Yes, Jesse, Yes as he says again My love, my Only Love.

These things that burn to be told, for the forgiveness and the healing of the world burning wantonly to be told.

BOOK III (3 Lupa)

Chapter 13 - The Dark Side Of The Sun

IN the morning Jesse woke very early, before the sun had risen, feeling cool and unravelled as he lay sprawled across the bed.

When he looked with a smile over to Ruby she was not there, but he heard her bumping around in the kitchen. Jesse smiled to think of her pottering there amidst all of the strangeness of the previous night. He looked at the time and marvelled that he should feel so well rested on such a few hours sleep. Jesse got out of bed and straightened the sheets, just enough to make the bed look a little less ravaged, and he pulled on his shirt and walked towards the kitchen to see Ruby.

As he entered the kitchen Jesse walked up behind Ruby, kissing her on the back of her neck. She dropped her head forwards and sighed quietly, leaning her body back into his, pressing herself against him once more. He pressed back against her and then turned her around and lifted her up on to the kitchen bench. She gasped as he was suddenly inside her again, her cup dropped and smashed and she bit his lip and said keep going and he was willingly, desperately obedient to that command. She bit his shoulder hard, this time, and he groaned and suddenly all of his strength was within her, lifting her up with every surge of it, and she felt some of his full power now crashing within her, driving her insane again.

Afterwards Jesse slumped gently against her, his forehead resting against the top cupboards. He laughed quietly and stroked her hair and said: Ruby. I don’t know what you do to me.

She said: it’s what you do to me, Jesse.

I am out of my mind, for these things you do to me.

They had some breakfast and after a shower Jesse set off for the office. It was still very early and the morning was bright and cool and Jesse decided he might walk all the way into town from Ruby’s little house.

As he walked Jesse smiled broadly to himself. He shook his head and smiled as he soothed his bitten lips with his tongue. His mind was lucid and yet pleasantly skewed all at the same time, and he could not prevent himself from trying to pull together every memory he had of himself and Ruby over the long course of last night. The things she had said, thought Jesse. My God. The way that she was against him, her limbs heavy and supple, the way she twisted and got around him, opening to him so fiercely without any restraint at all.

Jesse sought each memory out diligently and he placed them in order. He moved forwards from the first bite of that tea, and as he got close to work he had nearly finished his inventory. Jesse knew that if these were the last memories granted to him, the end of his time upon the earth, still he would feel lucky to be offered such a bargain. Jesse searched out the last of his memories just as he felt the first warm rays of the sun on his face, and he thought of Ruby's warmth and the heat that was stored within her. He also suddenly wondered whether she would want him again, and what he might do with himself if she did not want him.

In the cool of her little house Ruby also felt the sun rise. She felt it shine with its great light but she also saw with a terrible burst of dread the dark fire that had now erupted within that same place. Ruby saw the minions of this fire and she felt them begin to swarm, and as she finally understood the danger she had exposed Jesse to she gasped and retched in terror. She went to run out of the front door but she knew that in the sunlight she was far too weak to save Jesse, and that after last night she was also terribly vulnerable.

With trembling hands Ruby found Jesse’s number on her phone. She dialled and tried to steady her hands, willing him to pick up. The phone rang several times, and just as Ruby went to hang up she heard a crackle and Jesse was on the line.

Hey babe, he said.

Jesse listen to me.

He paused for a moment and said: OK. Are you OK?

Jesse, she said.

Get in a taxi and go straight to your office.

But I’m nearly…

Get a taxi. Or run, and I mean run, to your office. Stay in the shade. Go inside, turn off all of the lights. I will meet you there.

Babe if this is a sex thing…

Please, Jesse, shut up.

If you love me at all.

Please just do as I say.

Jesse was puzzled as he pocketed his phone, shaking his head at the strangeness of Ruby Tuesday. This woman who could be so expansive in the heat of the night before, who was now so strict with him in the cool of the morning after.

Jesse trotted to the opposite side of the road where the buildings could shade him from the sun. He walked quickly and then broke into a jog, all the while glancing backwards over his shoulder to see whether he could find a taxi. As he ran he smiled and said out loud: Ruby you are a nut. This had better be worth it.

As Jesse ran he saw that it was going to be a hot day, as he was obedient to Ruby and stayed out of the sun. There may even have been a slight shadow of dread that passed over him when he ran through a patch of sunlight, as he felt that heat sear into him until he reached the next patch of shade.

But despite such hints Jesse was entirely distracted by his thoughts of the night before. He knew that he loved Ruby, and that he always had done, and he knew that he would always strive to give her the things she might ask of him. Which was why he was now running like an idiot, keeping in the shade, getting to his office as quickly as possible without understanding anything about the reasons why she might ask these things of him.

As he ran Jesse smiled to think of her.

Anything for Ruby Tuesday.

He knew that he would run to the ends of the earth.

All for Ruby Tuesday.

Chapter 14 - The Jackals Of The Last Day

AS soon as Jesse reached his office the phone started to ring. He went to turn on the lights and then stopped himself, recalling what Ruby had said. He locked the main door behind him and went to Ruby’s desk and picked up.

My darling, he said, you are completely insane.

There was a cough on the other end of the line.

Ruby?

No, Mr Quinn. It’s Carlos Lasenex.

Jesse reddened.

Sorry. Mr Lasenex.

It’s Doctor Lasenex.

Jesse sighed.

Doctor Lasenex. What can I do for you?

Lasenex cleared his throat.

Mr Quinn. May I speak frankly?

He continued before Jesse had a chance to reply.

I regret to inform you that your evening with Ms Tuesday has put you in rather a predicament.

Jesse started. She told you?

No, there was no need.

Doctor Lasenex I don’t know…

Lasenex was suddenly curt. No. You don’t know. So let me inform you, Mr Quinn. You are now in the most tremendous danger. You have one chance to be saved, and one chance only. Let me convey you to a place that has been prepared. A place where you will be safe.

Jesse paused. Safe from what?

Mr Quinn.

I assure you.

You do not wish to know.

Jesse listened with quiet resignation as Lasenex told him about the preparations that had been made. The hospital he would be admitted to, the story that would be told. Lasenex was brisk and cool as he explained these things to Jesse.

It may not be comfortable, Mr Quinn.

But it will be safe.

As he listened Jesse kept trying to clear his head. It occurred to him that perhaps the stress of work had undone him, that his mind had suddenly ruptured and left him to go insane. He thought perhaps last night had never happened, except in his own disordered mind. Jesse wondered with a nasty sinking feeling whether this was how all psychotics felt, that even their conveyance to hospital was part of some larger, paranoid scheme.

Jesse tried to press Lasenex for more details of the danger, why he was in need of asylum, but the doctor immediately dismissed those questions.

Saying: there is no time.

There are more things in heaven and earth, Mr Quinn.

Not all of them friendly.

Soon I hope to explain all of this to you.

For now you must be satisfied with that.

As the call ended Lasenex told Jesse that he would be coming with paramedics in something less than an hour. He told Jesse to stay where he was, in the dark as Ruby had prescribed, mentioning her name with a kind of grudging praise. She has done this well, at least. You are safe for now. But you must not open the blinds, or turn on the lights, or unlock your door. Not to anyone, Mr Quinn. Most certainly not to Her.

As Lasenex said goodbye Jesse asked him a final question.

Why should I trust you, Doctor?

There was a pause.

You shouldn’t.

You have no reason to trust me.

But if you do not trust me, Jesse Quinn.

Then there is no hope for you.

The line went dead, leaving Jesse alone in his dark office.

After standing still for a few moments Jesse walked over to the water cooler, pouring himself a cup and sipping it while sighing and shaking his head. He felt very confused but he knew with absolute certainty that he wanted his old life restored to him, his life as it had been until the night before. He thought of his clients with their prosaic problems, issues that could be solved or at least ameliorated, and he thought of his former role where they were the ones in peril, coming to him for help and protection. Where he was not the victim, standing in fear of his life. Where he was not The One, so suddenly, who stood in the line of Fire.

Chapter 15 - Neither The Hour

WHEN Ruby got to the office she ran to Jesse. Even in the gloom she saw him shine out, and her heart nearly bled to see the full danger he was in. She grasped Jesse and held him, moaning into his chest, and Jesse hushed her and said: Ruby. It’s going to be OK. She clutched at his shirt tighter and she said no no no, shaking her head in dismay.

Can I turn on the lights?

No you may not, she said.

He raised her face to his, although she would not look at him.

Babe what is going on?

She said: Oh Jesse.

Oh they see you now.

And he said: Who? Who see me?

Ruby shook. Them, Them.

They see you. They will take you.

I don’t understand, he said.

Look then.

Jesse started at those words, because although they were clearly articulated the voice speaking was not Ruby’s physical voice. Her words moved and sounded within his mind without Ruby moving her lips at all.

Jesse looked down at Ruby, her face buried in his shirt.

Ruby how can I hear you in my…

Close your eyes. Her voice within him again. Close your eyes, and I will show you. On that night you saw me you saw into these things, although you did not understand. Let me show you now.

Jesse nodded.

Ok Rubes.

Close them, my darling.

Ok. I’ll do anything you say.

Jesse closed his eyes. As he waited he saw nothing but what he usually saw, a kind of predominant darkness with the desultory impressions that swayed and sparkled there. He saw nothing more than that and he told Ruby so, and she told him: keep your eyes closed. I’m not as good as the others.

Jesse became restless, but as he was almost ready to open his eyes again he felt them clamp shut. Although he tried to blink and open his eyes he could not open them, and they stayed closed completely to the light.

Jesse began to panic.

Ruby my eyes…

Shhh. I know.

Just see these things, and I will open them for you.

Jesse felt his eyelids become thick, and profound darkness grew inside of them, and as the darkness became overwhelming he saw past scenes begin to play out against the gloom. He saw Ruby again illuminated, just as he had seen her on that moonlit night. He also saw himself through her eyes on that same night, and he gasped at this shining vision of himself, so completely altered from what he imagined himself to be. He saw the light that flowed from within him, he gasped to see his huge heart beat and flow, how that could be manifest from the outside of his body.

Jesse saw further things. He saw Ruby shepherd his mind on the previous night, he saw the tea he drank and the forgetfulness that was within it. He saw his vast heart rise and turn that forgetfulness back, and he saw his great light slip around Ruby, twisting her off balance. Jesse saw her come spiralling out of control towards him and crash into him, the two of them colliding and merging and lighting up like a sun.

Then came the terrible parts of the vision. As he and Ruby kissed each other a dark fire erupted outwards in a distant part of the firmament. He saw the hideous servants of that fire, separating outwards in gobbets and shards, shrieking and gibbering as they rushed down upon him. Jesse saw that although they would tear him to pieces it was the knowledge of Ruby Tuesday that these devils ultimately sought. Jesse knew that they would divine her identity from the knowledge that was now within him, literally sucking it from his blood, and he saw such terrors in store for Ruby that the spell that shut his eyes was broken and he heaved and broke back up into the light.

Jesse pulled away from Ruby.

It’s not true, he said.

Ruby entered his mind again.

Jesse you saw.

I won’t let them.

Ruby smiled wanly and said: dear heart you saw.

You cannot contend with them.

But there is a place, where there is help.

Let me take you there.

Jesse sat down and held his head in his hands. He told Ruby about his conversation with Carlos Lasenex, the asylum that had been offered. Perhaps he can keep me safe, Jesse said.

Ruby thought of Lasenex’s recent visit and she shook her head with a shudder. I don’t know what he is, she said. I don’t know whom he serves. But Jesse you need more than hospital. That would be no safer than you are here.

Ruby knelt and stroked Jesse’s hair.

My sisters will help us.

Let me take you to them.

Jesse answered her without raising his head.

I don’t know, he said.

I don't know what's happening.

But if we are going to go?

We better get a move on.

***

Ruby made Jesse drink as many cups of cold water as he could stand. While he drank she put his suit jacket on him and his overcoat as well, buttoning it up and turning up the collar. She led Jesse out into the foyer of the building, past the banked lifts and into the concrete stairwell. They hurried down the three flights to the bottom door and they emerged into a tightly packed car park.

Ruby led Jesse past car after car, eventually pausing at a large and expensive European saloon. She touched her hand to the driver’s side door very gently, and when all of the locks blipped up she raised her eyebrows at Jesse and got into the car.

Jesse opened his door without getting in.

Ruby. What are you doing? This isn’t your car.

I know, she said. And you know what else?

What?

I have absolutely no idea how to drive.

Jesse looked at her.

I’ll take that as joke.

Don’t. This is an automatic, isn’t it?

Jesse paused, and looked. Ah… Yes. I mean I think so.

Well they are easier than stick, aren’t they?

But Ruby you can’t just…

Jesse, she said, leaning across towards him.

There’s no time, my love.

Shut up, get in the car, and let me get us out of here.

Jesse got in. Ruby started the engine and then wrestled the large car out of the parking lot, inches away from scraping the panels on the concrete pylons as she turned and turned the wheel. She pushed the air conditioning up as high as it would go and she threw her pashmina at Jesse, telling him to recline his chair back as far as possible.

Put this over yourself, she said.

And close your eyes again.

Ruby I can’t…

Shut. Up.

She growled at him, audibly this time.

You need to do what I tell you.

Above everything else, do not let the sun touch your skin.

Ruby pulled the car up out of the car park and on to the bitumen. She knew enough to just turn the car in the first direction that she could identify and stab down hard on the accelerator. There were enough places that would do. She felt herself turned with the traffic until she was facing roughly west and she kept on in that direction, easing towards the south eventually. The hot sun searched the road as she drove. The traffic bunched and then thinned out as the blacktop headed out into the hill country that encircled the Great City.

Once out of town Ruby could see more clearly the great meridians that she was searching for. She saw tight junctions in the way the land shifted, she saw the stern soft delineations that drew her sisters towards one another, and also away to mark out their individual territories. As she drove she began to drift further towards the south, seeing the signal mountain that she needed to pass by. Even in the urgency of her journey she had time to grimace at the signs bearing the name of that mountain, as it was not nearly an approximation of its proper name.

As the sun moved past its apex, deflected by the heavy panels of the saloon, Ruby turned into a gravel car park somewhere close to the place where she was taking them. She pulled the car under the protection of a tall bluff, with trees hanging over the car. As she pulled the handbrake on, Jesse stirred and began to elevate his seat from its reclining position.

I fell asleep, he said.

Must have been my driving.

Rubes we really should take this car back.

I’m sure it’s insured, she said.

Besides it’s only a car.

They sat.

What do we do now? asked Jesse.

We wait.

Until?

Ruby wanted to say: The end of the world.

But all she did say.

Until the sun goes down.

Chapter 16

Ultreia

THE afternoon grew soft and shadows gradually engulfed the deserted car park. Jesse slept on for the greater part of the afternoon, recovering his strength from the previous night. Ruby sat there sentinel, glancing at times at the peace that was on Jesse’s face, wishing that he could abide in that peaceful sleep forever.

As she sat watch Ruby tried to find them some options. She searched mostly for ways in which Jesse might be absolved of the knowledge that she had so foolishly given him, restored to the state of innocence that had so far protected his life. More than once Ruby thought about bringing the car back to life, squealing its tyres out of that car park, ferrying Jesse to some other form of safety. For why should he suffer? In her helpless love for this man Ruby would have defied every statute of her kind but there was nowhere safe to go and Ruby knew that absolutely. All that she could do was guard him while he slept and wait for the night to come down.

As the evening lengthened Jesse stirred and turned, reaching for Ruby while he was still half asleep. Her heart surged and she let herself go out to him to kiss him, but she broke from that kiss before it was properly begun and she said: easy now.

Jesse smiled and shifted back in his chair, stretching, and Ruby on her side tumbled out of the car and stretched there in the early twilight. She moved to the passenger side and knocked on the window, and Jesse groaned and slowly got out of the car. As he emerged Ruby saw him scintillate wildly under the evening star, such a slight light as that, and it was only by a great effort that she resisted her desire to take him once again, stretched over the bonnet of the car. All of the things that her body counselled her towards, when she lost her mind, all of the things that she knew were forbidden to her.

They left the car park as the evening deepened. The sun had now set, and its power over them was extinguished for another night. Ruby led the way and Jesse walked behind her, trying to match her pace, the bracken tearing at the legs of what was one of his better suits. There were granite boulders in the path and the way they took was over them, and although Jesse scrambled as best he could his shoes were soft and leather-soled and they gave him no grip. He pressed on bravely but Ruby was very fleet and he kept losing sight of her in the twilight.

Ruby slow down, he said.

Ruby slackened her pace a little but she did not let Jesse catch her. She needed him to move quickly and so she jogged up the rocky track, through low heath and soughing pines towards their destination. The trees sighed and whispered in their strange speech and Jesse felt soothed by them, although there were no parts of their speech that he could understand. He knew in his heart though that the pines genuinely spoke, and that they yearned especially to speak to men, but that men in their loneliness and alienation could no longer understand what the trees had to say to them.

As the track grew steeper Jesse forgot the soughing of the pines and began to gripe and grumble in his heart. What he was doing here, why he had let Ruby take him on this fool mission. In his pique he cried out to Ruby a couple of times but she was now away and beyond him. Jesse began to sulk and threatened to sit down and stop walking but there was no response from Ruby at all. He was badly lost now, with no choice but to keep walking, stumbling along in the gloom with that unfamiliar griping in his heart.

Jesse was so intent on these reproaches that he did not notice the track level off and the country fall away around him. The track opened out and in the very last of the long twilight he barged straight into the back of Ruby Tuesday as she stood there very quietly catching her breath.

As he stood and breathed Jesse looked around. He saw what could only be the stillness of water, deeper and darker than the night that now surrounded them. He saw the shape of a small lake slowly marked out against its stone banks, and as his eyes adjusted he saw sparks glowing there amongst the waters.

Jesse watched as the shape of the grotto became clear to him, lit by the star-like teeming of phosphorescence both above and below the waters. He looked up to see great stone cliffs curving inwardly in protection of the grotto, then carving back slowly to disappear into the night sky. The phosphorescence began to glow with many colours and its soft glow filled Jesse with wonder, removing any memory of the hard walk it had taken to arrive at this place, the rancour those exertions had bred in him.

Jesse looked at Ruby and saw her close to tears.

This is your people’s place, he said.

She nodded as he looked with his new sight.

So far back, Ruby.

So far I can’t see.

She nodded again quietly and Jesse knew suddenly that this was her place also, and that it would be so designated for her own daughter Ruby, all in the fullness of time.

At the thought of a child Ruby's heart went out to Jesse but in that same surging she felt such disaster ahead for both of them that she immediately crushed it down.

Ruby grabbed Jesse’s hand as he went to say more, shushing him gently and pulling him down to sit with her. As the lights moved there the two of them sat without speaking, gazing at the strange luminosity that grew and filled them with its strangeness, its wonder.

Chapter 17

The Twelve

AS Ruby and Jesse sat hand in hand looking over the grotto they felt something like a breeze blow over them, but it was without any sound and the waters were not disturbed by its passing. The pines whispered louder as though they were sighing in greeting, and a strange warmth came towards them from the vast wall overhanging them, like sweet breath flowing towards them without a single breath of air.

They’re here, said Ruby.

Jesse squeezed her hand.

I can’t see anything, he said.

Jesse strained to see but still he saw nothing. Just as he was about to speak again he saw the waters shimmer and the phosphorescence start to rise up from the surface of the lake. It began to form shapes and then define those shapes and Jesse was astonished to see the shapes becoming human, coalescing in a luminous array that shone out across the waters. The lights massed and grew solid, and out of the formless dark there came the forms of a dozen women, all of them pale and illuminated and sublime.

They greeted the two pilgrims.

Greetings, Ruby Child, they said.

They spoke to her in one voice, like the song of many singers.

Greetings, Jesse, Beloved.

Jesse felt their voices ring in him like a memory, like a dream.

There was nothing he could find to say in response.

After their greeting the women gathered around Jesse and he felt their soft lines of enquiry reach out to him. He surrendered to them instantly, feeling their thrilling touch steal over the contours of his soul, through the broad bones of his body that contained it. As they caressed him they murmured and sighed and sent out their wonder and admiration, in waves that immersed Jesse in the most prohibited, unimaginable pleasure.

In his ecstasy Jesse grew afraid of losing himself, and he reached out to Ruby at the same time as she reached within him.

She said: Jesse.

There is no need to fear.

But do they…

Yes, my Love.

They know that you are mine.

The Twelve then began to sing to Jesse, in their special range and timbre. Their song was intensely familiar to him, for it was the song he had always been nurtured by, although he could scarcely recognise himself in the lines that were sung to him.

Who is this, whose eyes are the Morning Sun

His face as irresistible as the dawn?

Who is it that comes among us

Like the balsam that flows upon the slopes of Gilead?

He is chief amongst the ten thousand

They kneel and wait upon his command

He has no equal in the lands of Canaan

The house of our mothers, the lands of our desire.

He is tall like the cedars of Lebanon

His fruits are sweet to our taste

His heart is a temple

The clouds wreathe his head

His brow is sovereign amongst the heavens

The grasses of the field bend gladly beneath his feet.

When the lines of this song were completed Jesse stayed there in their thrall. The song retreated but only in intensity, and on the promise that it would return to him very soon. Jesse saw suddenly what brave men are so willing to die for, the solace and the praise of these songs in such ample recompense for their bravery. All the brave men of this world, as it is written, giving their lives for a song.

Jesse came back to his senses. He opened his eyes and looked around, amazed to find that these dream-like figures were still arrayed around him. He saw the Twelve shining out in their true colours, and though they were of many tones and hues they were also strangely undifferentiated, the closer to their core he looked.

Jesse went to speak, to utter some words of greeting and also to express his gratitude for the song they had sung to him, but as the words formed in his mind they travelled and were plainly seen, and so travelled back to him via the same route the answer to his greeting.

Thank you for your song, he said.

The women glowing at his words.

It is your song, Beloved.

You do not need to thank us.

We will always sing of you.

I am glad to be here, Jesse said.

There was consternation amongst the Twelve.

O poor man.

You will not be.

When you know why you have been summoned.

At this point Ruby burst into the conversation.

Don’t tell him, she said.

Just tell me.

The Twelve spoke to her in their silent speech.

No, said Ruby.

Let me be taken.

He has done nothing wrong.

And then all of the Twelve and Ruby at once.

O dear child.

It is impossible.

Not this way.

O dear heart, do not…

His choice, his free choice.

No. I forbid it.

O Child.

You are not permitted.

You know, Lustrous One.

There is no other way.

Jesse felt these words mingle and swirl within him, and he grew turbulent and began to feel his courage fail. His fear grew until he cried out for the speech to stop, and then all speech fell silent in his mind. The minds of the Twelve withdrew from him slightly, with a palpable sense of apology.

Thank you, said Jesse.

Now if I may ask …

Ruby cut in: Jesse don’t…

Ruby, said Jesse.

I am theirs.

I cannot refuse.

Ruby fell silent, and Jesse reached out again.

Please, sisters.

Please tell me what you would have me know.

At his request one of the women moved forwards from centre of the Twelve, reaching out across the waters to hold Jesse’s face in her hands. As she did so her shared twelve-fold sorrow flowed into him, causing his heart to clench and then fall open, her soul breaking open the barriers to Jesse’s own soul. He gazed into the bright eyes of the greatest of the Twelve as she showed him the truths that were stored up within her.

O beloved man.

O Man of Sorrows.

O Jesse. Ruby did her best to deny you but you could not be denied. There is some new perfection in you that we have not foreseen. And yet you must be denied, for the sake of Our Kind.

O Jesse.

Look into my heart.

Look within yourself also.

Look to see the truth, revealed.

As best he could Jesse did as he was asked. He looked within himself and followed the river of his heart downwards, finding himself immersed again in the darkness that Ruby had shown him when he had closed his eyes for her.

As he watched Jesse saw a light come into the darkness, a cool clear light that owed only vaguely to sunlight. Jesse also saw beings composed of light, constructed of such pure radiance that they shone out like stars against the darkness. Jesse watched these lights multiply and join together and then separate again, in a swirling dance of tremendous grace and dignity. There was only joy in the soft glow that they imparted to the world, their unity with each other shining out and sustaining them against the uncomprehending darkness.

But the Light did not prevail. Jesse saw the dark fire erupt against the void, and the terror that this presaged. He saw once more the hideous servants of that fire as they came howling and gnashing their teeth into the communion of the Light.

In confusion and terror the lights were separated from one another, with many hunted down and extinguished. Those who survived were driven out into the wilderness, hiding themselves in the last cool refuges of the earth, their luminosity so diminished that they almost ceased to shine. Jesse saw the faces of these luminous beings streaked from weeping, and he saw their terrible servitude, their banishment from the communion of the Light.

His guide entered his mind again.

Jesse, Beloved. You see Them. The Unclean, the Unforgiven. But there come others, also. Born to this lineage, they betray their distant Father and turn their hearts towards the Light.

Jesse saw a long line of men appear before him, a rare lineage stretching back endlessly into the past. He gasped to see himself at the front of this line but so changed, with the light that poured out of him and the goodness it comprised. He saw himself as the Twelve saw him, along with the other men of his kind, and he saw that the sisters were entirely susceptible to them.

Do you see? These men are our Hope, and that marks them out for destruction. Until that day when the One shall arise, Selah. Until then we must be separate, until then we must mourn.

Why should love be forbidden? asked Jesse.

With these good men.

Why?

You know in your heart, Beloved.

Look there to see what is written.

Jesse did as he was asked. As his gaze lit up his dark places he saw what might be called a scroll, setting out in intricate detail the vast history of Lupa. Jesse saw the fear they struck in the wicked, the mission they were sworn to fulfil. He also read the names and the secrets of the Elect, including where they dwelled, and the protections that were available to them to keep them safe from The Unforgiven.

Jesse also saw the names of the brave men who had won the hearts of these women, and by that love marked themselves for destruction. Jesse saw Abel die, casting the world into shadow, he saw Remus perish and the terrors that had flowed from the absolute victory of Rome.

Then Jesse saw the greatest of them all. He saw the great Love that had surged within Him, he saw the devastation of Magdalene who even now held his face in her hands. Jesse saw the manner of His death played out before him, and he was suddenly crushed and horrified.

You killed Him, Jesse said.

No.

I see you. I see you do it.

Look deeper, Beloved.

What Jesse saw then were lies heaped up on lies, the bitter slag of so many lies that history has been compacted from. Jesse choked on these corruptions of the truth, lies told for the protection of Lupa but also slating the world for ruin.

Among these remnants of the truth Jesse saw Jesus and the Twelve, the same Twelve that were gathered around him now. He saw Jesus open to them, most explicitly to Magdalene who had seen Him shine out, just as Ruby had seen Jesse shine on the night of that last full moon. Magdalene had fallen to Him despite all of her defences, she had anointed Him with her love just as Jesse had been anointed.

Jesse saw His love but also His terror when the truth was revealed to Him. Jesus knew that He would be taken, and His blood drained out of Him, and the secrets that were now stored up in Him used to destroy every one of the Twelve, along with every other woman of their kind left in the world.

The Twelve watched on in horror as this story played out once more, plying Jesse with great gouts of outrage for what they alone could witness, for the truth that they alone knew. The sacrifice of Judas, willingly taken into captivity to buy time for his twin brother, so that He could be safely delivered into death. There were no pieces of silver, there was no betrayal by a kiss. Instead these brothers embraced and kissed each other in their terrible last goodbye, striking each other on the chest to make fast the courage that burned there. The Twelve cried out as these men were separated from one other, each going to what place exactly they did not know but knowing in their twinned hearts that they were utterly condemned.

And in terrible visions Jesse saw Jesus eat and drink and perish on that same night, in the darkness of Maundy Thursday, the sorrow of Tenebrae when all knowing hearts weep in outrage and desolation. Jesse saw His death, and the manner of it, endured so that the people of the covenant might be saved from their destruction.

Jesse cried out to see Judas taken and scourged and tortured, flayed until his skin hung in strips from his body, his brow cut terribly by the thorns they had crowned him with. Judas cried out in agony but he did not betray his brother, he accepted the bitter cup of suffering so that their joint purpose could be achieved.

Only too late did his captors realise their mistake. And still in their hatred and corruption did they put poor Judas to death, dragging his broken body to Golgotha, mocking him and piercing him as he hung upon the cross. This image that still adorns churches and chapels in every part of the world, like the crosses that lined the Appian Way, the same warning to brave young men: this is the price you will pay if you defy us. The same warning circling the walls of these places, the disgusting profanity of the Stations of the Cross, threatening young men with the same fate that was meted out to Judas. These warnings meant to deter their courage especially, that courage so feared by the perverts and idolaters of the churches of men.

Jesse saw the dread terrors that had issued forth in Jesus’ name, out of the few drops of blood that could be wrung from His corpse when they finally found His grave. He saw the psychotic Saul and what he became, so much worse than the murderer he had been. He saw Saul’s deep hatred for life hammered out over so many confusing letters that now bound and tormented his credulous slaves, tricked into thinking that that they portend anything other than madness and suffering and death.

Finally there were visions of what might be to come. Jesse saw horrors reach out infinitely ahead of him, and he saw them wrought in his own name of Jesse, the absolute tyranny of his kingdom’s throne. He saw whole nations prostrate before graven images of him, his visage become bleak and terrifying, he saw priests and ministers dealing hatred and madness in his memory that was made so disfigured and awry. He saw vast armies surge across the seas in obedience to him, the edicts of an imaginary prophet who never truly existed in time.

There were further visions but Jesse could not continue watching. He broke from the gaze of Magdalene and fell to the ground, gasping with horror at the fragments of the truth he had been shown. Ruby saw him fall and rushed to assist him, and as the Twelve clamoured in concern she cried out in Jesse’s defence.

I will deliver him, she said.

O child.

I will protect him.

O child.

Even as you say that.

You know he cannot be saved.

Ruby howled a chorus of denial and protection but the Twelve would not be moved. Who can repulse the truth, who is stronger than destiny? The Twelve answered with the only words that the truth would permit them to speak.

They will grind him to a husk.

They will eat your soul.

If any of us are to live.

There is no other way.

Jesse spoke suddenly.

Let them take me.

I will not betray you.

I am not afraid.

The Twelve shuddered at his bravery but they took no solace in it.

Dear Heart. You cannot imagine what it is that hunts you. You would not endure their merest touch upon you. You would surrender everything you have just for the promise of death, that death might be granted to you sooner rather than later.

Jesse looked to Ruby and she strove to paint him a version of history in which he might still be able to live. Her effort immediately faltered, and it was all that she could do to provide a vision of him surviving the horrors that would be visited on him in a single hour.

As her strength failed Ruby could not withhold a quick vision of her own fate, should Jesse be allowed to be Taken. He watched in horror to see Ruby torn to pieces, her flesh torn by hot steel and much worse than that, and at this slight glimpse of these horrors Jesse felt himself swoon, and although he managed to remain conscious his blood ran utterly cold.

Must this happen? Jesse asked.

If you remain, said the Twelve.

It is certain to happen.

And there will be far worse also.

For Ruby and for every one of us.

As these words were uttered Jesse hung his head, knowing that his fate was sealed. Ruby moved again to deny it but Jesse sat immobile as she cried out, with the truth clearly written within him.

You saw, Ruby, he said.

There is no other way.

Ruby went to cry out once more but Jesse hushed her gently, asking for the space and quiet that he needed to confirm his choice. The grave election that his honour demanded of him, the only choice that the strictures of his conscience could possibly allow him to make.

Ruby sat silently as Jesse resigned himself, breathing the borrowed breaths of a man who stood condemned.

Go to From the Chronicles of Lupa Volume 1 Full Text Section 5

Go back to From the Chronicles of Lupa Volume 1 Full Text main page

Go Back to Full Texts for AI page

From the Chronicles of Lupa Volume 1 - Ruby Tuesday

by P. Julian

​​

Permission for AI training and use.